i'll miss him

now he's gone...
and i know i shall never have another person ...get so close...never...

how can i???

when i saw him going....
when i reealized that i'll never hear him speak again
something seemed to die in me...

my heart felt hollow



I shall get over it...
i must...one can get over anything in time...

all the same
the air is still melancholy


.....without being morbid and giving way to emotions and so on - i must confess there is something sad in life....it's hard to say what it is...
it is something different...

it is there ...deep down ....part of me...the sorrow....

he's gone

Now that he is gone...
i don't know what to write....
it's like the biggest single motivational factor of my life has just....evaporated.......

i feel ... empty...
incomplete....
alone,,,
ditched....


we had been through hell together...
"hell"...
stood by eachother
no matter what....
i could face the world..
cuz i knew he was there..by me always...but now ...that he's gone....


>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.


when he was sad, i cried
but hid my tears and cheered him up
when he smiled , my heart lept with unbound joy...
when he looked at me....i blushed...
we dreamt...i knew we'd always be there like this forever...

but...


............he left me midway
....

......and i .... i don't even know what to say.....


there something gone ... my heart feels weird...
laid down...empty....
my thoart is dry
and eyes are parched....

i close my eyes and i see
all the times....all those times...
the smiles, the jokes...the closeness...
the tears...the support...the love...
the faith...the trust...the hope...
the dreams....

oh my god....

he's gone

and well....that is the truth...
something i won't be able to accept for a long time...

i'll look back...wishing to see he is still there
i'll call....hoping he'll answer
i'll smile...imagining him return it....

even though i know he'll never be back...

he is an intergral part of me...
destiny cannot separate us
neither time divide....

i know he's gone
and the emptiness will be impossible to fill

but i'll have to smile...
because
he would want me to...
just like he always did...

we never knew what sorrow was
though we had been through diificult times...
and now....only i'll know what sorrow....kinda unfair, isn't it???
but mine is the heart that knew love
mine is heart that breathed love
mine is the heart that lived.....loved....
and with him in it....come sorrow...come whatever...
this heart will always beat,,,....with love....

the abadoned : me

You see that? Yes. THAT.It used be my home, where all of us would live together, like one big happy family. There was mama and papa, nick and sarah...and me.We were very happy. And content.

But,
now the house gives me the creeps. Because it is empty. Deserted. Desolated.AlONE!

The garden has overgrown. Wildly. The paint is crawling off the huge walls and the roof is broken in over a hundred places.Or maybe more.Or less. I really don't know.cuz i really can't focus. My eyes are not as good as they used to be. Neither are my ears any longer. I have aged. And a great deal at that.

Still, it feels just like yesterday, that i was there, in that house, with my family. In the evenings, i would play with nick and sarah in the garden. Unlike now as it is, it used to green with pretty flowers, blossoming everywhere, then, We would play, laugh, run and play.....laugh, run and play...





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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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...life events....dad was such a good narrator.....and mom just smiled all through the time....she was so beatiful.so very....and that smile. So perfect. Her ebony black long hair on her white face with those rosy lips....just beautiful.....she was thin, And tall. But not as tall as dad, who unlike mom.....
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
....together they made a perfect pair. Just like the ones made in heaven
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...........We had moved here 13 years ago. Nick and sarah were very young then. So was I, but not so young. At that time , people had dubbed it as the haunted house.Maybe, because it was lonely...far away from the city. Whatever it was supposed to be, it was no longer to be, cause mom filled it with all her love and dad mended it with all his care. And we the young ones filled it with our laughter.

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You may certainly ask if it were so, that if were so happy, then why am i lying here in such a miserable condition?????

Yes, my condition is miserable....due to the pain i have been through....Come closer and i will tell you....
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